Jewells at the Gem

Much of what we did in Florida centered around the YMCA. We made friends, exercised and played there. Three of the people we baptized were folks we met there. So when we moved to Texas one of the first things we did was seek out the local branch. The closest one is pretty far from our house, but someone told us about this place.

We stopped by for a tour and, as we heard the history of The Gem, felt God may have wanted us there for more than just exercise. The Gem opened its doors a year ago when a church in Fort Worth lost their parking lot to development. They sold the building and moved out here to the country where they found a big recreational center for sale. Instead of moving right in as another church, they first asked the chamber of commerce what the community needed. They wanted a rec center to replace the one that had closed. So the church bought some exercise equipment and renovated the building. Then they got a logo and opened their doors as The Gem. 

The church family that used to meet in Fort Worth now meets in the auditorium of The Gem on Sunday mornings and Wednesday evenings. Many of them have left because they either don't want to make the drive or they simply don't share the same vision of the pioneering elders--a vision that recognizes this city as a mission field. One of the most involved families has told us they prayed for other like-minded Christians and they believe God brought us here to partner with them in some way. We believe it too.

After some discussion, we found out they've been planning to launch an after school program but haven't had the manpower. We weren't particularly eager to sign up because we came here expecting to start a homeschool PE program like the one John worked with in Florida. In fact, we were busy preparing for the big homeschool conference where we would advertise the program and register families for the fall semester, when John received a phone call saying the conference had been cancelled. One of The Gem founders happened to be sitting in our living room when we got the news. It was the first time in seventeen years that the conference wouldn't run and we took that as a sign to open our eyes to what God might be trying to show us. Prayer and discussion on the subject have generated a sort of hybrid idea between the after school care The Gem had in mind and the homeschool athletics program we had in mind. You can read about it on the web site by clicking the logo:

It's a non-profit organization, and we plan to begin sessions in January. As I said in my last post we are still missionaries and our ulimate goal is to introduce people to Jesus. We also hope to be a resource for parents struggling to raise children in these tough times and we need your donations to keep the costs low. We don't want to exclude low-income families. They already can't afford extracurricular sports and activities. We have a 501c3 and all monetary gifts are tax deductible. Thanks to those of you who already support our ministry. If anyone else wishes to make a one-time donation or a monthly pledge, simply let us know. Our family, the community, and the Kingdom would greatly appreciate it.

Rough and Tough

I know I promised you an article about the new program we plan to start in the spring but our attention has been diverted by some other things lately. First of all, my mom's condition continues to worsen and we are adapting to the many changes Alzheimer's brings with it daily. She really can't do much of anything for herself now and requires constant attention, even on a good day. She has also been losing weight at a rather alarming rate so we are having tests run to see what might be causing that.

Ben decided to get in on the doctor's visits by falling flat on his face while playing in the bed of a friend's truck. It didn't bruise very much at all the first day but we knew the next morning he may have broken it so we took him for an x-ray. You know how a close up picture makes your nose look bigger? Well, this one wasn't taken from close range: 

He was a good sport about the whole thing, even when he bumped it two more times over the next few days and made it bleed all over again. We had to wait all that time for the swelling to go down so the doctor could see if there was any permanent damage. Ben said he thought his nose looked cool and drew a self portrait to commemorate:

We went for the follow-up visit today and received very good news. There is no fracture--only severe bruising--and the crookedness is apparently just from the swelling. I took this photo today to show you how much better he looks. As you can see, he still wants to get a bit more mileage out of his super awesome injury. 

We're thankful that Ben is fine and hope our other two don't perform any attention-getting stunts in the near future.

We Are Still Missionaries

Many of you have asked what we plan to do now that we're back in Texas. The simple answer to that is mission work. Since our conversions sixteen years ago, God has taken us across the country, across an ocean and back again, making disciples at every stop. We now find ourselves in my hometown taking care of my mother who has a terminal disease. As we grieve the gradual loss of the mother and grandmother we've always known to Alzheimer's, we are grateful to be found worthy of such an assignment.

Due to a tough economy we have also lost our main sponsor but not our focus to reach the lost. John is preparing to begin a non-profit after school athletic program in January in an effort to serve the community and make a living for our family. We're reminded of the apostle Paul making tents to pay for his ministry at times. If you've kept up with our travels over the years you probably don't expect this to be our last stop and we don't either. (Perhaps we'll even go back to Brazil some day.) I don't know exactly what God has in store for our family but I do know that we have been called to be missionaries and we will teach His truths wherever we go. If you would like to partner with us in this, your contributions will go toward the non-profit organization--I'll tell you all about it in my next post--which will provide an income for our family. Every dollar you send is less time making tents and more time making disciples.

Home Again

We're back from our travels and, while I can't say it was fun or relaxing, it was an experience I will never forget. It was good, as always, to see John's family but my mom's condition has worsened considerably over the past two weeks. She didn't eat or sleep much and the sinus infection she had turned into bronchitis. She is taking a stronger antibiotic and a sleep aid, and her appetite seems to be increasing. We're hopeful things will be back to normal--and I use that term loosely--very soon.

Although we stayed in the same house for about ten days, Mom never could find the bathroom. The family took turns escorting her, and often by the time she reached the bathroom she would forget what she was doing and think someone was trying to lock her in a closet. She was negative and accusatory, roaming the halls and saying she knew we would be leaving her somewhere to die. She suspected everything we offered her had been poisoned, and she constantly wore a look of suspicion and anger on her face. "I know what's in there," she would say as she stared at her food. She even warned the kids not to eat.

As hard as I try to avoid arguing with her, sometimes I get worn down and give in to the frustration. At one point she was begging me to kill her and not five minutes later was refusing to eat. "If you really want to die and you think this food is poisoned then you should want a big bite!" Yikes! That sounded terrible. Thankfully, she forgot the whole thing almost immediately. When I heard John say during another meal, "Liz, you have no idea how frustrating it is to feed someone who thinks you're out to poison them!" I realized how blessed I am to have a husband who is in this with me. Alzheimer's is enough to drive a caretaker mad but Ecclesiastes 4:12 gives us hope. "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

The majority of our friends and family think we should put her in a nursing home. We think that would be a mistake at this point. As a well-respected missionary friend recently reminded us, I Timothy 5:4 says, "But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God." In short, what kind of missionaries would we be if we ignored our god-given responsibilities? Even with our imperfections, I believe she is still getting the very best care possible. I also believe that what God is teaching my family through this is something that cannot be measured. For example, the fruits of the spirit are being refined in a painful but effective way in each of us. At the end of a challenging day we tell our kids, "Tomorrow is a new day." I have to remind myself when I've blown it with my tongue that "the Lord's compassions never fail. They are new every morning." We trust Him to continue to guide us daily and we refuse to allow this situation to turn us inward, forgetting that we have been called to the great commission.

Jonah's Birthday

One of the reasons we came to Colorado was to celebrate Jonah's eleventh birthday with the family. I made him his favorite--lemon cake--and found out that high altitude baking really is different. Ben helped "decorate" it while I was out of the room.

We asked Jonah what he wanted to do for his special day and he said go to the mall. John and I aren't mall shoppers which is probably why our kids like to go--it's a treat. We went to an enormous mall that has indoor glow-in-the-dark putt putt, a bungee/trampoline bounce, an arcade, and this fun little contraption:

We got my mom a wheelchair because she has been wandering off more and more and because she is shuffling and moving very slowly. She was consumed with the idea that we would leave her and asked me to take her where someone could hear her scream and even yelled out "don't make me do this" when I was helping her in the bathroom. She occasionally asks, "Is this where you're going to kill me?" It will be a small miracle if someone doesn't call the police on us. This disease is very cruel. Sometimes the boys are a bit frightened by her behavior but for the most part they just think it's funny. We try very hard to keep the mood light and maintain respect at the same time. Jonah said he had a great day so it seems to be working.  

Road Trip

John recently submitted an online bid for a rental car that, much to our surprise, was accepted. We arranged for a house sitter, packed up with little notice, and were on our way.

The kids were super excited. Here they are waiting to see which car we would get. 

Jonah and Andy had their own little apartment in the back, and Ben and Mom stopped bickering as soon as the DVDs were started.  

Mom's screen broke almost immediately but she didn't seem to mind. She just sat looking straight ahead while the kids watched movies and John and I listened to music and talked. Every once in a while she would interject something in response to what she thought she heard but had clearly misunderstood. I hoped she could enjoy the ride and the beautiful scenery, which she seemed to--at first.

We drove through Wendy's for lunch and I asked her if she would rather have a salad or a sandwich. She chose a chicken sandwich because she has trouble with utensils. I got hers grilled but when the food was passed out she grimaced at her lunch and wanted John's because it was fried. They traded. Then she took a bite and said it was delicious but would rather have my salad. I traded her but she couldn't eat it because, as I said, she has trouble using a fork. So I tried to get her to use her fingers but she wouldn't. In the end, everyone had plenty to eat but nobody was very happy and we were reminded just how frustrating Alzheimer's can be.

Later we were munching on snacks and I gave her some crackers. She ate about three then told us, in a panic, she shouldn't have because "they're thick and they'll keep me up all night". She repeated herself about every twenty minutes as if it were the first time she'd said it until I held up the box in frustration to show her that they are called Wheat Thins and can't possibly be too thick for anything and that crackers don't generally affect a person's sleep anyway. She acted like she understood but picked back up where she'd left off about twenty minutes later. It makes for a funny story and God knows we have to laugh sometimes or we'll cry, but I was close to tears by the time we stopped for the night.  

I was grateful that John had the foresight to book a hotel room halfway in Wichita, Kansas so we could get a break from the car. The nighttime routine was another stressor. John took the boys to the pool while I got Mom ready for bed. She kept saying "This is the wrong place" and I was beginning to question the wisdom of taking her away from home. I slept in her room with her and she was very nervous that she wouldn't be able to remember my name if she needed me in the middle of the night. She was up most of the time pacing and going in and out of the bathroom. By four o'clock I gave up and turned on the news.

The next morning she had the idea we were going to leave her somewhere. She was absolutely miserable and looked disgusted with everything and everybody, which is why this photo is so remarkable:

When I told her I would like to take her picture, she gave me one of the only smiles I've seen since we left Texas. (And, yes, Ben is wearing a life jacket to breakfast.)

Andy loves few things more than a good breakfast buffet, and we let Jonah have a cup of coffee so they were loving life. The kids have been wonderful through the transition and are treating their grandmother very well. I am proud of them all.

Andy's my budding photographer and he got a picture of us which proves that what hasn't killed us has made us stronger.

The car ride the second day was about the same and we were thankful that it wasn't worse. Mom seemed happy to see John's family but was sure we planned to leave her with them. It seems she'll only believe that she's going home when we take her with us next week.

John's Birthday and Then Some

John just turned 43. I don't know if I was supposed to divulge that, but I think he looks pretty good and want to share with you my thanksgiving for such a wonderful husband and father. When Mom heard it was his birthday she was upset that she couldn't do anything for him, so I suggested she take him to lunch. She offered to take us all to his favorite restaurant, which just so happens to be right here in Fort Worth. I secretly enjoyed the day as if it were my own celebration because she has forgotten my birthday for the last three years. (Yes, this disease has been brewing for a while.) 

We had a good day, all things considered--we ditched homeschool and had a lazy morning then enjoyed our favorite foods to excess while Mom seemed pretty content and even fastened her own seat belt on the way to the restaurant.

The very next day, however, was a scheduled doctor's appointment and that didn't go so well. They had us waiting for an hour in the waiting room when Mom got upset and started to pace, insisting the people on the couch move so she could lie down. When she started to panic and talk very loudly to herself, I told the receptionist we would have to reschedule the appointment. As we were walking out, she grabbed the door saying we couldn't leave "the hospital" without finding out what was wrong with her. It was stressful, to say the least but she was fine when we got into the car.

The day after that was much better. The kids played outside while Mom sat in a chair watching me finish building the chicken coop I started weeks ago. She sat with her cat asleep on her lap and smiled most of the time. I thought we were on the mend only to experience our worst day yet just yesterday. It was the first day I had to help her with everything from using the bathroom to eating her food. She couldn't seem to do anything for herself. I expect that she may rally a little in some of those areas--she has before--but she is steadily declining and I won't be surprised if these are the last photos you see of us at a restaurant. Although, we do have a road trip scheduled soon and we could use a prayer from each of you that it won't be a disaster but a much-needed family vacation. Either way, I'll let you know how it goes.

By-the-way, if you would like to know more about Alzheimer's, the best resource I have found is a book called The 36-Hour Day by Mace and Rabins. It has proven to be surprisingly informative and accurate.