Monday, May 5, 2014

Mom's Surgery


Wednesday, the director of the nursing home called and said Mom had a swollen knee and was complaining of leg pain. Her doctor wanted her to go to the emergency room. Mom no longer recognizes me and is sometimes belligerent, which can be upsetting, especially to my youngest son. With that in mind, I requested a transport to the hospital, and we met her there. Nobody is sure how or when it happened, but she had a broken hip. Because she had fallen recently, we assume she fell again and forgot what happened.

Her legs had been elevated during transport, and her knee wasn't swollen when the ER doctor saw her. It may have just been a fluid pocket that got enough attention to get her to the hospital. She was complaining of pain but unable to locate it accurately. We discussed options with her doctor, one being to let it heal naturally because of the trauma involved in surgery and recovery for a person who has dementia. In the end, however, we settled on a hip replacement because, even though she doesn't have the capacity to participate in rehabilitation services, we will be sure the bone is properly set and healing, eliminating unnecessary pain in the long run.

She had the surgery and is already back at the nursing home in recovery. They have increased staff to make sure she is taken care of, and she will be in bed on pain management for the next few days. There is a walker next to her bed in hopes that she'll use it, but there's no guarantee that she will walk again.

While my brother and I were at the hospital, one of the nurses commented on how nice it was that we were there for our mom. She said most dementia patients aren't visited by family. It made me ask myself why I was there. The nursing home and hospital have the paperwork they need to do whatever is necessary to take care of her physical needs. Mom doesn't know who I am and even sometimes yells at me and cusses in front of my children. I cry every time I leave her side and sometimes while I'm there. I've determined that it's not so much me visiting her as God's Spirit in me. That's the kind of thing He does--visit a person who offers absolutely nothing in return. I wouldn't do that. I would look for a return on my investment, even if it was just a good feeling. Galatians 2:20 says, "My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Recognizing that helps me to understand and accept why other family and friends have abandoned my mom--I might do the same thing--and reminds me to pray for them.

I am so thankful for my mother's decision to give her life to God five years ago, and I honestly don't know how I would handle sitting by her side without the assurance that I will one day see her again made whole in her new body. In the meantime, I am thankful for my husband and my brother who are walking this difficult road with me and experiencing their own grief, with the help of Christ. I work daily at keeping my eyes fixed on Him and allowing His Spirit to work through me, because I am in no shape to handle this on my own.

"For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down (that is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands." 2 Corinthians 5:1

38 comments:

  1. I don't know if awesome is an appropriate word to use for a post like this but that is what I felt in my heart when I read it. Awesome that your eyes are focused on Him in the midst of all this. Awesome that your mom gave her life to Jesus. And awesome that we will all be made whole in new bodies some day soon. I can't wait! We love you guys and are praying with/for you. Kevin

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    1. Thanks, Kevin. I think awesome is the perfect word to describe who God is and what He does. I'm looking forward to that day too. We love you guys and have come to depend on your prayers.

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  2. And people will know us by our love... His love. Thank you for sharing your story with us about what His love calls us to be!

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    1. Thanks for your feedback, Leslie. It helps to share the burden with people who care. We think about you more than you know. I really hope we can get together some time soon and catch up.

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  3. Praying for you, your mother and your family.

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    1. Thank you, Penne. It was so good to see you and to be a part of your group.

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  4. Samantha, I cannot imagine myself what it's like to experience this horrible disease that you are dealing with, with your Mother. However, I have experienced a long drawn out illness while mine was still with me in her latter days. The decisions that were left up to me to be made were VERY hard and quite often they re-surface.
    I want you to know that I am thinking of you and the family and if you just need a good ear or a friendly hug, I'm here for you.

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    1. Thank you, Debbie. I am so sorry for what you must have gone through and I pray that you will have peace once and for all with the decisions you made. Hindsight may be 20/20, but in the moment it's so hard to see clearly. God knows your heart in the midst of the decisions. It's the enemy who seeks to disturb us with the what ifs.

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  5. Samantha, thank you for the reminder that it is Christ that makes you love and be there for your mom when you know full well that she won't recognize you or even appreciate the gesture.
    That was very well said.

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    1. Thanks, Dawn. I was sorry we missed seeing you the last time we were in Nashville. I love you.

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  6. Samantha,We are so very proud of you and your brother for standing by your
    Mom. We love you and are
    Praying for all of you!

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    1. Joyce, that means a lot to me. You and Tip have influenced our lives so much. I love you both dearly and wish you could meet my new brother. You would be greatly encouraged.

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  7. God made human beings amazingly and innately able to love in the midst of all kinds of conditions. No one is surprised that you would have and show that love to your Mom, Samantha. Blessings of ALL the fruits of the spirit as you care for her.

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    1. Well, I ran through the list in my head and feel I especially need help in the areas of patience and gentleness when it comes to my kids. I think I expect too much from them sometimes. They have been great with my mom, just not so much with things like cleaning their rooms and using scissors on PAPER ONLY. This chapter is hard and I hope to emerge closer to Christ, so thank you for the blessing.

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  8. Wow Samantha! I am so sorry you and your family are having to go through this. Prayers for you and your Mom. You really are an amazing daughter. You are teaching your children so much through all of this. Hugs!

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    1. Thank you so much for the encouragement, Jo Ann. I feel sorry we are going through it too, but I know it will equip us in the long run to help others in similar situations. I trust God is still in control and must have a purpose for pain.

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  9. Sammy I can only imagine the difficulty you guys are going through with your mom. We pray for you guys regularly and love you very much! Stay strong. I'm sorry this has been such a painful road.

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    1. Thanks, Mandy. I love you so much and want you to know that your family has been a great a encouragement to ours. We are so blessed by your good decisions. It keeps us in the fight to know we are not alone in trying to do the right thing. I can't wait to see you again.

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  10. Sammy I love you with all my heart and I am sure that God doesn't give you anything u can't handle and you are a amazing and wonderful aunt I am so blessed to have you and your family in are lives

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    1. Thank you, Joanna. I love you and count myself blessed to have you in my life as well. You may be the sweetest person I have ever known and to call you my niece is an honor.

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  11. Samantha, I have been thinking about you and your mother ever since you shared this with me on Saturday. Thank you for sharing your blog. What a wonderful reminder this is to all of us. I love the sentiment you wrote...We have the Spirit in us to help us do things we wouldn't normally do. One of those things is to love, expecting nothing in return. My prayers are with you and your family.

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    1. Thank you, Sharon. I enjoyed seeing you this weekend. Please let me know the next time you come this way. I would love to have lunch or coffee or anything else you have time for. Thanks for the prayers. We certainly need them.

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  12. Wow... Prayers for y'all!

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    1. Thank you, Chrissy. We need the prayers. I miss seeing you.

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  13. I'm so sorry to hear this...I know how difficult it is and unless you go through it, impossible to explain and truly share the pain...I'm thinking about you but this too shall pass

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    1. Thank you, Esen. I know you understand. I miss you.

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  14. Praying for strength for you all. Thank you for this sweet testimony. Mandy Renfro

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    1. Thank you, Mandy. We have been thinking about you quite a bit lately. I would love to hear how things are going in Malawi.

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  15. I share your thoughts, my sister! Much love.

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    1. I know you do, Deb. I love you and hope to see you on our next visit to Nashville or if you come through Dallas. Blessings to you and your family as you go through a similar journey.

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  16. and always the HUGS

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  17. Samantha, thank you for being Christlike, for caring for your mother, for being a servant of God.

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    1. Eddison, you and your family have been more of an example to us of the Christian walk than you probably know. Your praise and encouragement means very much to us. Thank you.

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  18. Samantha, I hear in your words an echo of God's promise that he would never leave us or forsake us

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