John's Birthday and Then Some

John just turned 43. I don't know if I was supposed to divulge that, but I think he looks pretty good and want to share with you my thanksgiving for such a wonderful husband and father. When Mom heard it was his birthday she was upset that she couldn't do anything for him, so I suggested she take him to lunch. She offered to take us all to his favorite restaurant, which just so happens to be right here in Fort Worth. I secretly enjoyed the day as if it were my own celebration because she has forgotten my birthday for the last three years. (Yes, this disease has been brewing for a while.) 

We had a good day, all things considered--we ditched homeschool and had a lazy morning then enjoyed our favorite foods to excess while Mom seemed pretty content and even fastened her own seat belt on the way to the restaurant.

The very next day, however, was a scheduled doctor's appointment and that didn't go so well. They had us waiting for an hour in the waiting room when Mom got upset and started to pace, insisting the people on the couch move so she could lie down. When she started to panic and talk very loudly to herself, I told the receptionist we would have to reschedule the appointment. As we were walking out, she grabbed the door saying we couldn't leave "the hospital" without finding out what was wrong with her. It was stressful, to say the least but she was fine when we got into the car.

The day after that was much better. The kids played outside while Mom sat in a chair watching me finish building the chicken coop I started weeks ago. She sat with her cat asleep on her lap and smiled most of the time. I thought we were on the mend only to experience our worst day yet just yesterday. It was the first day I had to help her with everything from using the bathroom to eating her food. She couldn't seem to do anything for herself. I expect that she may rally a little in some of those areas--she has before--but she is steadily declining and I won't be surprised if these are the last photos you see of us at a restaurant. Although, we do have a road trip scheduled soon and we could use a prayer from each of you that it won't be a disaster but a much-needed family vacation. Either way, I'll let you know how it goes.

By-the-way, if you would like to know more about Alzheimer's, the best resource I have found is a book called The 36-Hour Day by Mace and Rabins. It has proven to be surprisingly informative and accurate.

How's Your Mom?

My mom is the little girl in the pictures. It struck me as I was looking at them that God knew on the day each photo was taken what her future would hold. What a great honor it is to have been chosen to share the gospel with her and to see her baptized in June 2009, and now to be taking care of her towards the end of her life.

Several people have asked me lately how she is. Until now I've been very careful not to share anything that would get back to her and humiliate her. Unfortunately, that's no longer a concern because her Alzheimer's has progressed to the point that she not only can't read my blog, but she also has a very tough time holding a conversation. For instance, we met a neighbor during a walk a couple of days ago who told us he restores old tractors. When he pointed to a '38 John Deer he recently acquired, my mom proudly told him that she owns a '38 Chevy. (She doesn't.)  Another man recently told us about losing his business to which my mother replied, "Oh, that's good!" I find myself explaining her condition to strangers so they won't think she's crazy or just plain rude.

Being in public with mom is stressful in that we never know what to expect. For example, her depth perception is skewed so she brings her foot up to knee level to step off of a curb and flinches if someone passes within a few feet of her at the grocery store, thinking that they'll run into her. Sometimes she thinks she recognizes a person and speaks to them as if they're old friends or, if someone actually does recognize her, she obviously has no idea who they are.

The bulk of the challenges come from our daily routine at home though. Living with mom is, I suspect, a bit like adopting a child with special needs. Her speech has regressed so that she pluralizes words and says things like "ices", "toilet papers", and "cat foods". When something is empty she says it's "dead" and she calls sweetener "softener". She has a hard time finding the right word in general. She calls me mom pretty much all the time now and makes hand gestures to get her point across, like grabbing at her zipper to say she needs a bathroom. I tell her when it's time for a shower and show her how to wash her face. She still brushes her own teeth and even flosses as long as I cut the floss for her. She also often has trouble getting a fork to her mouth or stepping into her pants. I prepare all of her food and usually at least help her get herself dressed. Last week at church I looked down to see her wearing two different shoes--both right foot. She wants to be helpful so I include her in rinsing the dishes and folding towels. She sits in a chair while I do yard work and is happy to get me a cup of water, provided I give her the cup. (She can't find those on her own.)

Mom gets frustrated with how "fast" and "loud" the kids are and she often gets angry with me for something completely irrational, like when I tell her not to eat something she just picked up off the floor or I ask her to wash her hands after she's used a public restroom. She talks to herself, and she follows me around most of the time. I have to remind her to talk to the kids and hug them once in a while. They treat her well but obviously have a hard time adapting to her becoming less capable in some ways than even the youngest, with whom she often argues. We are all struggling to adapt to our new lives together. Though I would selfishly like much more support from family and friends, I am thankful for the support we are getting and know that the lonely times give us a stronger connection to God and make us more useful to him. So we're thankful for the opportunity we find ourselves in and praise God for his goodness and mercy in finding us worthy for such a task.

Transition

When I'm talking to someone about moving forward in life, I always give the same counsel: start where you are and with what you have. I'm taking my own advice today. Because of the amount of time that has passed and the enormous amount of change that has taken place since my last entry, I haven't been sure how to proceed with my updates.

Yesterday I uploaded the photos I've taken since our visit to Colorado, and I'm going to let those dictate the parts of our story I share with you since my last post. In case you don't already know, we sold our house in Florida to move to Texas and take care of my mother who has Alzheimer's. She was living with her boyfriend of over twenty years, and he asked us to come take over. So, we moved into a house she built in the town where I grew up and brought her back from her boyfriend's place over an hour away. To say it has been challenging is an understatement but God is good and we know we are doing the right thing. 

Without further ado, here is a random sampling of some goings on with our family:

This actually happened while we were still in Colorado, but it was the night before we left and we dealt with it for weeks after we arrived in Texas. Jonah broke his finger on a daring scooter ride:

Some very kind people from our sponsoring church came all the way to Florida while we were in Colorado and drove a moving van full of our furniture to Texas. They had everything here in the garage when we arrived. Because they also pulled up all the nasty carpet for us, the only room that was livable for a while was the dining room. We slept on mattresses in there until the new flooring was installed. It was a little like camping out, including the dangers of the forest, i.e., carpet tacks. Ben recently asked me what I ever did with all those "heart attacks" that were on the floor when we moved in.

We went out and bought some baby chickens, mostly because we didn't know what to do with ourselves and it seemed like a good idea. It actually turned out to be a great idea because those chicks have kept the boys very occupied. 

Again, some wonderful folks from our sponsoring church went with us to where my mom was living to move her stuff out. Now it's all here and a large part of what we have been doing is sorting through it all.

John took this picture of me and the kids with Helen, the woman who told John and me the gospel about seventeen years ago. She was living in a nursing home here in town. I was happy that the kids got to spend some time with her because she recently passed away. She asked John to speak at her funeral. It was a huge honor and we all miss her so much. 

We joined a local gym which turned out to be a local mission effort. A group from Fort Worth sold their church building to come out here to the sticks and start a community center. They've gotten it up and running and have been, by their own accounts, praying for some assistance. We watched their minister baptize this man in the gym pool after a Sunday service. Because the contract with our sponsoring church is up in January, we feel God is opening doors for us to partner with this fledgling church.

John's mom came for a surprise visit, which was far too short. Here we all are with the grandmas in the back yard.

I would like to say the adjustment phase of this move is coming to a close but it is quickly becoming apparent that, with the progression of Alzheimer's, every day is an adjustment. The kids are doing remarkably well and our prospects for employment and continuing mission work are looking good. God seems to be melding all of our experiences into something useful right here in, of all places, my hometown. For those of you who don't think yours is a mission field, stay tuned. I think you'll be encouraged. 

Joanna's Wedding

We've been in Colorado for about two weeks now. John has a lot of family here and we've had a great time visiting with them all. I have many fun pictures I could share with you but this is the highlight of our trip:

John married his niece Joanna to her boyfriend Dan. The most exciting thing is that during our talks with the couple before they tied the knot, they both decided to recommit their lives to Christ. They even announced it during the ceremony. It was a beautiful wedding and my first wedding photography assignment. You can see the pictures on my facebook page.

Thursday Bible Study

For the past two years I've facilitated a Thursday afternoon women's Bible study in my house. Here we are: Maria and her youngest, me and my youngest, Callie and her kids, Joanne, and Hayley.

Because we announced that we would be moving to Texas soon, Callie took the lead and started having the ladies meet at her house for the study. This picture was taken there the last time we all met.

Well, today is Thursday and I know the girls will get together without me for the first time. I pray God will bless them with wisdom and understanding as they read the scriptures together. I also pray for their individual spiritual growth as well as growth in their group as they share the love of Jesus with those around them. I already miss them all terribly. 

Our Last Meeting

Sunday was the first time our entire south Florida church family got together. Even Chris and Jenna made the drive down to be with us. And this little guy (Terry and Maria's six-week old Kevin) made his debut showing:

So, here we all are:

Because we will be moving to Texas in a matter of days, this group will probably not meet as a whole again on this earth. I started to name this post "Our Final Meeting" but quickly changed that, because our final meeting will actually go more like this:

At that time men will see the Son of Man coming in clouds with great power and glory. 

And he will send his angels and gather his elect from the four winds, 

from the ends of the earth to the ends of the heavens. (Mark 13) 

We broke bread together, talked, cried, and laughed. We reminisced and dreamed about the future. It was a bittersweet day--the culmination of two and a half years of ministry--that we will always cherish. 

John and I already see God working miracles in these precious lives: strengthened marriages, overcome addictions, hearts for outreach and benevolence, spiritual awareness and hunger for an understanding of the scriptures, a newfound joy and zeal for life, and resolve to live blamelessly. As difficult as it is for us to leave this fledging church family, we are confident that God's spirit abides with them and will use them for great things.

Texas Bound

A neighbor asked me several months ago if things were all right at home. When I wondered out loud why she asked, she said John had mentioned something about problems we were having. I knew that wasn't true and politely let her know, to which she hemmed and hawed and finally admitted that she had made it up. She was trying to find out why his car hadn't been in the driveway as much as usual. (Remember Mrs. Kravits from Bewitched?)  I told her about the parenting program he was visiting in Jacksonville and assured her we were fine. She then asked how I was so sure about what John didn't say. "I know him," I said.

That conversation started me thinking about how well I actually know God. Can I be confident about what He would or would not say or do? I could tell my neighbor was bluffing about John because I spend so much time with him. We've taken time out of almost every day for fifteen years to sit down and talk to each other. Obviously, having a basic understanding of the Bible is the beginning of a relationship with God, but without spending time with Him in prayer and quiet I wouldn't be able to say I know Him at all. This is especially important in the midst of a big decision. After much time spent with each other and with God, John and I have finally made one such big decision--to move to Texas. My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a couple of years ago, and we are mainly going there to be near her.

Since making that decision, we've been preparing the church here for our departure. Over the past two years, due to our limited resources, we have intentionally maintained a small group of dedicated individuals to meet in our home, rather than establishing a larger church with a building and programs to sustain. We are now very happy God led us to do it this way. Our focus has been on teaching the Bible and discipling on a small, personal scale in order to lay a strong foundation that will not easily be corrupted. We have every reason to believe that God will personally guide each of these new but committed Christians onto the very ministry He has prepared for them.

We've put our house on the market, and we plan to travel to Colorado at the end of this month where John will marry his niece and her boyfriend. From there we continue on to Texas to see what God has in store for our next mission.